Friday, September 3, 2010


I am often asked about the funniest moment in my cab.  It's not easy choosing the single best, for I've seen quite a bit over the years.  But here are a few quick stories.

I picked up a lady on Lafayette St, and she told me to take her to the Upper West Side.  She pulled out her phone and made a call.  "Yeah, I just got out of my AA meeting.  Yeah. my first one.  I can't believe how fucking nosy these people are.  They really get into your business.  One guy came up to me and asked me what I was on.  'I know you're on something,' he said.  Well, yeah, I'm shooting heroin.  I mean I quit drinking, I gotta do something, right?"

Three ladies got in, and after telling me where to go, one started complaining about the baby shower they just left.  "I can't believe she got her a cashmere onesie.  Cashmere?  What fuck is she going to do with a cashmere onesie.  The first time the baby pukes on it, it's ruined.  I mean, come on, how can she be so fucking stupid.  She should return it and get a nice pair of sunglasses or something."

A drunk guy said to no one in particular, "Christ, I must be drunker than I thought.  I just pissed myself."  Sure enough, after he got out, I checked the back seat and had to clean it.

I picked a black couple, and at first, I didn't really pay attention, but after awhile, the guy said, "I'm telling you, 'American Pie' was financed by the government.  It's goal was to popularize BJ's with the high school kids and discourage regular sex.  It's psychological birth control.  It's part of their plan to keep Blacks and Chinese from spawning.  It's just like them teaching in the schools that homosexuality is OK.  It's part of their plan to keep the black kids from having sex and reproducing.  It's psychological birth control and it's the government's first step of an eradication plan."

Another drunk.  I heard a lady throwing up.  I glanced in the mirror and saw that she was puking into her purse.  When It came time to pay, she opened her purse, and I told her it was a free ride.

Stopped at a red light on the West Side Highway, a little girl noticed a particular establishment.  "Look, Mommy, I want to go there.  The Carousel Club."  "No, Honey, that's not a place for little girls."  "Yes, it is.  It says 'Girls, Girls, Girls'"

I picked up a family of four in Little Italy.  Mom, Dad, a girl about seven and a boy around five.  Getting in, the kids were excited about all the money they just made.  Sensing my curiosity, the father explained that the kids were fascinated by all the street performers they saw in the city, and they wanted to give it a try.  So, they put a hat on the sidewalk and started singing.  And they made a bit of cash.  The mom asked them what they were going to do with the money.

Girl:  I want to get a new Barbie doll.
Mom: OK, we can go to the toy store tomorrow.
Boy: I want to buy everyone an ice cream cone at Ben & Jerry's.
Mom: That's real sweet of you.  We can stop for a desert I think.
Dad: That's nice.  What made you think of treating everyone?
Boy: I figured it's the only way you would let me have ice cream this late.

One of the best parts of this business is meeting people from all walks of life.

1 comment:

  1. I like these stories. You could probably fill a book with all of them.