Monday, March 21, 2011

Introducing the Machine

I've been silent for a bit. I have excuses, though.
  1. I'm lazy.
  2. I work twelve hour days.
  3. I am getting over a bout of the flu. I shall get a flu shot next year.
  4. I have recently discovered Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton movies. Those dudes are total geniuses. I recommend getting stoned before watching. It's better that way.
  5. I have a machine. It makes happiness.
My dad got me The Machine for Christmas. He bought it from a friend who needed $50 more than he needed the machine. Bummer for him.

Isn't it pretty?
The Machine is an Zephyr Ion Vaporizer. It vaporizes cannabis instead of burning it, so the smoker (vaporer? vapor inhaler? stoner?) need not inhale a bunch of tar, smoke, resin or other nastiness. It is supposedly safer. If you want a further discussion concerning clinical trials and science and stuff, I suggest you check out Wikipedia.
Vaporization is an alternative to burning (smoking) which avoids the production of irritating, toxic, and carcinogenic by-products by heating the material so its active compounds boil off into a vapor. No combustion occurs, so no smoke or taste of smoke is present. Vapor ideally contains virtually zero particulate matter or tar, and significantly lower concentrations of noxious gases such as carbon monoxide. Vaporizers contain various forms of extraction chambers including straight bore, venturi or sequential venturi and are made of materials such as metal or glass. The extracted vapor may be collected in a jar or inflatable bag, or inhaled directly through a hose or pipe. With little to no smoke produced and cooler temperatures, less material is required to achieve a given level of effect. Hence, the irritating and harmful effects of smoking are greatly reduced or eliminated,[1][2][3][4][5] as is secondhand smoke. 
In comparison to other drug delivery methods such as ingestion, vaporization has a more rapid onset of pharmacological effect, direct delivery into the bloodstream (via the lungs), and more precise titration such that the desired level is reached and not exceeded, enabling consistent and appropriate dosage.
Those editors at Wikipedia sure do like big words, don't they. Don't feel bad. I have no fucking clue what venturi or titration mean either. If you are curious, you can wander over to Wikipedia and click on their links. If I was a good responsible blogger, I would have kept their links in the copied and pasted text, but reformatting Wikipedia's HTML to fit Blogger can be a pain in the ass (Note to Google: fucking fix that, already.). Besides, I've been vaping tonight, so reading HTML is even more confusing than usual.

The Machine may appear complicated at first glance, but it is easy to use. Simply turn it on, fill the basket with product, insert said basket, close the lid, attach the bag, and fill.



After just a few minutes, the bag is filled with sweet vapor. Remove, and inhale.


No coughing. No burning of the throat. No chance of burning down the house because some stoned hippie bastard was a little careless with the lighter. Just a beautiful high.

Now, I know exactly what you're thinking. Why so long to write about the beautiful Machine? Well, I've hadn't any ganja until this week. I don't buy or smoke that reguraly, and I haven't bought any recently. But, the other day, getting home from work, I found a bag shoved under my door. I wonder where that came from.

And, I'm sure you're wondering, where, oh where, can you get your very own Zephyr Ion? Well, they are voluntarily and temporarily out of business. Worried about the govmint or something. But, fear not, Amazon has a bunch of other vaporizers for sale. Happy vaping!

I do wonder why the govmint is so damn set on harassing harmless stoners. Our last three presidents have all been confirmed potheads at one time or another. You'd think they would cut their fellow tokers some slack, but, no, they got to make sure they look tough on crime. Hypocrites.

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